Saturday, April 01, 2006

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

getting down to the basics

i sold them! i sold my living room! i missed it at first. someone said i'm pathetic, i'm lonely, i yearn physical touch coz i love things that don't breath. did some thinking bout it... well.. that person is 90% wrong la.

yeah, it gets lonely here but juz talkin to ppl back home is enough coz i know this life will be finished soon so i'm juz gonna enjoy my alone (or u might call it LONELY) moments. i won't get it back home. i live with 4 other ppl in a cramped 4 room flat. i can't even have a say on what i want im my room coz, apart from sharing it with dolna, my mother will not have us throwing things out no matter how useless and old they are. no need to mention the old, dirty (according to MY standards eh!), crappy, peeling, murky green, super hapak kitchen. its my mother's territory. i can't even fry and egg without her nagging at me for messin up HER kitchen. how can one mess up the ENTIRE kitchen from frying a bloody egg? (okay la, nothin's impossible... stove top bursting into flames and taps busrtin but that didn't happen okay.) so that is why i want to live alone here.. coz i run this apartment the way i want it, my mother has zilch say in it and i absolutely enjoy it.

yeah, i'm a manic depressive.. that's coz i have alot to think about for the future. i owe my parents their retirement fund and i don't like owing anybody their life. i feel that i have a huge.. no.. gargantuan sized responsibility when i come back for good and i don't know if i can do it at all. i am selfish, i put myself in front before others. well... why should i suffer just to make ingrates happy? (no, i'm not referring to my parents). i want to do so much things when i'm finished here but can my parents wait till i settle in my career? if i have any in the first place that is. how long will i take to repay my parents?

its not the simple things that bother me... its the responsibility that i have in order to be a good daughter that's makin me depressed and worried. i don't need physical touch, i'm happy talkin to my friends even for 5 minutes. i am easy to please in that way. i'm not lonely, i love being alone. i started appreciating and enjoying being alone last year when playmate was gone (*sob*sob* she dumped me for a teaching career! ;D hah!). if u say that's pathetic, by all means, that's your opinion and u're entitled to it.

at least, i shop well when i'm alone. no pressure to hurry and nobody to copy me.

so! enough of the 'deep' side of me... here're the pictures of my nest... too bad some of u can't enjoy the pink couch anymore. but its okay, if u want to have a taste of it, its only a couple of streets away. heheh!

+ > the glamour babe posted at 3:47 PM < +